Umm so today I got ready to go out on my 3rd date with a guy I met through match.com. *EVERYONE* at work was giving me both kudos and crap on the fact that:
#1. I had a brand new super nice haircut coming noon (i.e. in the morning I had my usual hair-mess from 2 months) and I was all sharp and tidy after lunch
#2. I was wearing nice shoes
#3. and nice shirt
#4. and mega nice-in combination tie and...
#5. very nice pants.
*EVERYONE* at work: stunned. Even one of the new programmers had to stop by and asked me "ok what's the deal? What you are up to today." One of my favorite British co-workers commented that "hmm it looks like you don't have an iron, do ye?" Bastard :-)
Some even gave me some advice.. Like the usual "just be yourself, go with the flow and relax" which as cliché as it may be… well… I guess it's still true.
So, I met him - my date - in the Burbank area but the interesting part was something that happened between the 2nd and 3rd date. I decided to browse for his name on the net, and found some of his work. He told me the truth, he's an actor, and in the independent film gay community, somewhat known. I was shaking.
First because he did tell me the truth, although alluded to it vaguely and didn't brag about it.
Second because.. Hmmm DAMN, an actor and screen writer and winner of some stuff.. I just kind of broke down on Sunday and started shaking a bit.
" I am not worthy. He will just look at other guys in a jiffy and there goes a possibility down the drain." - this is something that fortunately I started to really kill fast this morning.
The more I read though, I came also to a very interesting conclusion: this is a guy that could have been a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise in a way except for the simple fact that he's out as gay and refuses to be in the closet. And this decision alone, to be himself, may have very well cost him the big Hollywood track.
But by tonight I was ready, not shaking so much anymore and decided to surprise him a bit. I stunned him by telling him more information about his career that he would have ever guessed I would know. And um.. he liked it. God bless Google, what can I say.
He was also enthralled when I told him that I loved the fact that:
#1. He told me the truth - above all things, this is super important to me.
#2. He has been very ethical and brave in what he does and his career.
To me #2 is self evident from what I saw on an article. This seems to be a man with a good heart. And #1 is self explanatory. What I found on the net matched 1:1 what he told me, except in far more detail.
I concluded he's an undocumented gay hero of sorts.
When we were walking I was telling him how amazing I found that actors have this ability to change expressions and moods at will.. Me thinking about those "special edition DVD's " where they show the audition scenes… so I asked him how hard it would be for him to say, on a whim cry or something and he continued talking but on purpose within a minute was crying.
AWWWWW.. Man… "hey no no no, ok, I am amazed but please don't do that again! I don't want to see you cry" and then he starts laughing. Hmm just like I say that if you marry a lawyer you should never get a divorce (they will screw you bad then!), I wonder if actors tell their lies a bit too convincingly when they want to tell them…. Makes you wonder huh?
My feelings are still somewhat surreal about this whole experience… I guess I just simply still can't believe it. Not in a trillion billion years would I have thought I would be dating someone like him. When he looks at me point blank I just can't stop staring. He's just too good looking, though I am finally getting past the "awestruck" feelings though maybe more than being able to handle it, it is me simply avoiding a situation where it would trigger that sensation.
So we are meeting again next week, as he's out of town this weekend… Ah man, I can feel it coming… the chemical imbalance….
Comments