I think one of the easiest ways to relate to the feeling of something that is there, you expect it to work but now it doesn't is when you go into your room, flick that light switch and the light bulb blows up. It's quick, it happens, you expected it on, it didn't happen, and no amount of whining, bitching, denial, whatever will bring it back at that moment.
So today, I went in, flicked the switch and ... it's no more.
My boyfriend and I broke up.
I was not exactly surprised, but I did not exactly expect it. I spelled it out, but he called it. The End(tm)
And it sucks.
And I cried very hard.
And I felt very bad.
I still feel bad.
And I was told it's not my fault- that on the other side, between several juggling acts He doesn't feel like he has time for a relationship right now.
And I still feel bad.
He's.. gone.. that very last moment where you hold each other knowing it won't happen again.
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I am sure there are things I can learn from all this. One in particular I want to make sure I learn, but for that I need to ask my other ex.... something I have heard now twice, with a different tint, but probably it's the same.
Two exes now mark my life.
And tomorrow, a personal day off.
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