Sometimes you want to move on from a situation or a relation with someone - or what have you- change part of who you are. And in some cases, you need to forget certain things or have them in your brain in such a way that their recall is somewhat subdued, so it looks perhaps like an old sepia photograph, and things don't really affect you.
Cognitive dissonance theory says that there is a "tri-force" to human behavior- mental/thoughts, feelings and habit. Have two aligned and the third one will eventually fall. And speaking of habit it's hard to get past certain things when habit may bring some memories. This Saturday feels very empty today. I need to keep my mind busy on something.. but I just feel like I can't just fire up a "drug" (read: World of Warcraft) and just 'burn the time'- though to my credit I think I finally learned how to use my new printer- at first I was somewhat frustrated with the results.
It's so easy for a certain habit to bring certain memories.. the habit here is doing certain things with someone in particular or with that someone around. You talk, you chat, you say this, he says that, bounce ideas. What habit brings when I am doing certain things today is the reminder of the glaring omission of someone in particular.
And no, you don't need this person in particular- whoever he or she is in your life- to be at the wife/boyfriend/lover level - just even a "standard" or "normal" friend level will do. I suppose this is exacerbated by the fact that honestly, I haven't seen many people I can call friends here in California, though the number of potential candidates seems to have grown lately.
It's the glaring reminder "in your face" than in this universe, when all is said and done, you are really, alone.
"It's the glaring reminder "in your face" than in this universe, when all is said and done, you are really, alone"
Fundamental Truth. How can it be otherwise?
Of course, the interesting thing is, you are not alone in being alone. Everyone else belongs to the same set :)
Posted by: carlos | June 14, 2008 at 10:36 PM
LOL. well. There are so many "obvious things" at least the philosophical level that seem to have escaped me... and then I get some life experiences to remind me- as painfully as possible- of those things when nothing else does it. Or so it seems.
PS: Got two new toys- Epson R2880 (say hi to 3 level ink B&W and 13'' x 19'' + fine art canvas printing). And just ordered the fastest lens in 4/3rds- the Panny-Leica F1.4, 50mm equiv (25mm). Decided I can use that for a lot of the low light work I do. We'll see when it arrives.
Posted by: Ricardo Hernandez | June 16, 2008 at 02:38 AM