Raw Consciousness

DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY - Late at work...

One of my coworkers, late at night. We have a couple of walls in the middle of the place that are the target of chalk, messages and what not. Thought it all made for a spooky photograph...

WRITING - Erosion

Erosion

The other day someone knocked in my door

a stranger looked at me with a strange warmth

It made me uncomfortable so I said

"Hey wait, I don't know you, who are you?"

Sadness on the brink of tears filled his eyes

"You don't know me? But we did oh so much together!"

And I was like, you know, what the hell

And then he opened an album of photographs

and there I was, with him by the sea

by the mountain range

by the lake

by the videogames

and under the thunderstorm

and crossing that bridge

And I couldn't remember a damn thing.

My memories had escaped

the prison of recurrent thoughts

the cacophony of "if onlys" like that song says

"if only" is a wish too late.

And I can't remember if this was

or if this is

or if this is going to be

or if just made it all up, right now...

the unbecoming of me, because I can't remember...

(C) 2008

PHOTOGRAPHY - Tree...

and little guy.

UPDATE: This "photograph" has been labeled by my two teachers as dull/boring/"nothing."  This is a good example of a *BAD* 'photograph' so if you need one, now you know where to look. To me it was half and half. I guess I should heed the advice of my first teacher - if you have doubts, don't shoot it.

MY LIFE - Gastric Bypass Surgery...

nope, not me. I am not doing it. I have thought about that as one of those "remote ideas" that "what if" in a daily dream but not really. No.  But the reason I am posting this is because I bumped into the great inter web out there with what seems to be a very motivated woman, that went through this surgery. And she has a website. And one very interesting video.  

This surgery is often seen as a one sided win. Well it turns out that she's having some neurological disorders apparently, as a complication from the surgery.  As an obese woman, she never had diabetes (surprising to me), but now she has some glucose control problem (reactive hypoglycemia or probably hypoglycemic resistance I guess but not diabetes).  She's trying to get the experience of others together and try to create some sort of database and push for studies for people that have had this surgery.  Turns out that apparently others are having similar problems. If I had to pull a theory out of my behind, I would say seems related to the body not being able to absorb the vitamins/nutrients it really needs in an efficient, reasonable and necessary fashion.

Symptoms apparently include seizures, loss of train of though, she apparently can't get around and work right now (that's pretty quite something I have to say). Anyway, for anybody thinking doing this, think three times and read before you do so.

You can watch her video here.

Her website:

http://www.meltingmama.net/wls/

Update: WOW. <- required viewing.

MY LIFE- Revelation #42+1

so yeah. I was ordering a new toy from Amazon and saw two books that were highly rated. Yes, two of those "self help" books.  I think there are some jewels in this hyper crowded market, the problem is obviously to sort them out, and even sort out those with recommendations that come from a very "be efficient/be productive" capitalist-compliant point of view which I think it's a bit like teaching a dog how to fetch your newspaper and how to become efficient at it, as the ultimate noble goal all good dogs should always follow in society (in other words:  put your soul in a box ridiculously self limiting, though it may make you "a success" or get by- in this society).

So I am reading a book called The Practicing Mind- a book written by a musician. Many things here are not new, but they feel to have a certain "experience weight" to them.  You know, like someone may actually know and believe what they are talking about.

I have to admit I am not reading this book from beginning to end but more like I jumped to a chapter and read this and that. I want a taste. And I bumped into a chapter that talks about the "process is important/ set the goal but concentrate on the process, not the goal" etc.  Which already I started to find interesting... basically a focus on the immediate.

  But what really grabbed me is when he talked bout getting a goal vs achieving a goal.  In other words- a process in which you "earn" your goal is far more rewarding- by light years- than just getting your goal.  He made not one but a couple of examples. One of them on the music side- by those people who wanted to play an organ in the early 70's in which these machines started to come out with the ability to play a full accompaniment and just show you one note to play. He said you could basically play with chopsticks.  And they sold. And people thought they could play instantly. Instant gratification.

  But he says then most of those organs are gathering dust now (I believe they are still made though), and he mentions that probably is because people certainly found the experience of "playing" the organ dull, boring. Trivial.  Uninteresting.  Compared of course to the real experience of playing one well, which takes several years.

  Instant gratification - getting the goal vs going through the process of achieving the goal.  Empty accomplishments vs full of life and experience achievements.

  And then it made me think, that when someone sets a goal, a more important question than "do I want to get this goal" should be "do I want to submit myself to the discipline, hours, effort on a daily basis that such process to achieve the goal will entail?"  But more than seeing that as a "price to pay" I am thinking now that, the regimen by itself must be seen as something that should look enticing on its own. Almost its own implicit goal of sorts, and something that I must really want - as much as the goal. Otherwise the pain will be surely enough high enough that Ill probably derail and not do it.  Maybe a key to it is seeing this immediate process as part of "living" the goal now.  After all a good example of that is say losing weight- if you just lose the weight but don't follow what entails a life style change, you will put it back up.

   Moreover, then this made me think about the digital cameras, technology, photography and film cameras. I have heard from a could-be-friend-again how the process in the darkroom brings a certain richness to the photography he does. A certain skillset gets exercised and like many who do like exercising, there is that feeling of having "worked out."  Certainly my first photography teacher would definitively not only agree there but get on a high horse, cavalier his way through the field of arguments with a very pointy spear.

   And let's compare to what most people do with digital cameras- and the companies that sell them those cameras. Anybody can be a photographer- you just press the shutter, and the camera will "provide the musical accompaniment" to take that photograph.  Of course it's mighty obvious what happens in the end is a snapshot at best (yes, I have learned there's such a thing as really bad snapshots).

   I don't think or I am not convinced a digital camera means you can't do a "workout" to take a photograph, but I will certainly propose now that the digital camera as a technology vs a film camera as a technology (yeah, film cameras are a technology- sorry film doesn't grow on trees for those who view digital with so much 'technology suspicion'), allows someone to get that instant gratification - of the belief they took a photograph. The shallow victory.  The short cut-process.  One forces one to a workout, the other can provide a workout or the instant appearance of having done so.

   Since I come from the more recent technology side of photography, I better be fully aware of this.

   And umm.. it's late now, I have to sleep.